Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
