I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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