Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
