dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
