Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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