My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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