Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
