Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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