Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
