so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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