I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You are a genius and a whore.
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