Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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