Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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