My balls are so social today.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
