too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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