If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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