I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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