if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
