This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
did you just send me my own nude
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
