The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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