capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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