Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
