Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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