there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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