Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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