im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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