can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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