So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
no, he came in my armpit
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
