How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You pole danced in your parka.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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