Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my sisters under your porch take her home
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
