Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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