i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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