The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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