The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
