Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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