Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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