I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
