I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
