I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
