Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
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