I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
