Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
