let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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