Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
