apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
