her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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