I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
