Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
