Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
