At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
