Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Im part way to drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
