Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
