Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
