goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
