she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
