she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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