i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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