Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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