you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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