if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
