if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
