I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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