I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The adults are the big ones right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
