I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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