just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
